lauraldanne's blabbernothings

Farewell, Lolo

I lost my paternal grandfather yesterday.

I was so hopeful, so optimistic, that he would make it through. I was praying that he would come out of his deep sleep and regain his health so that by the time I can take my trip back to the Philippines, he would be there ready with his smile and countless stories.

Alas, his heart gave way. A ruptured nerve caused blood to circulate his brain.

He suffered a heart attack a couple of days ago and was admitted to the hospital. Although not pronounced comatose, the doctor said he was in deep sleep. The only response from him was when tears fell from his eyes when one of his sons called and the phone was pressed to his ear. Last night when Papa's cellphone rang, I felt my heart skip a beat, making me nervous. But I refused to entertain the thought, and continued staring at the television screen. A few moments later, Papa comes out and gives us the news that Lolo was gone.

My relationship with my lolo wasn't the typical granddaughter/grandfather relationship. I grew up miles away from my paternal grandparents, but in my heart they meant more to me than words can ever convey. I loved them. And I admired both my grandparents for the way they raised my Papa and his 10 siblings. My grandparents were strong individuals. My Lola was the feisty one, while my Lolo preferred to say the least and sauntered off to the background with his shy smile and his words of wisdom. Indeed, he was a man of little words.

But my fondest memory of him is that of his stories that echoed in the night when we were in Bicol to visit. These were of witches and warlocks in town. His ominous voice and his serious look drew you in despite his steady handle of Tagalog. And when he laughed, it was almost as if he was chuckling - infectious even.

Lolo was a strong man. He has been through a lot through the years. He has battled a number of ailments. He kept hanging in there in hopes that one day he would see all of his children and grandchildren again. And we, too, hoped that we would all see each other again.

But God had other plans. Lolo's time was up. The angels have a better place for him up there.

I haven't yet cried my bucket of tears. I know it is welling up inside me. My eyes sting and my jaw stiffens as I try to stop myself from crying in public.

It is much more painful to me that I was not able to see Lolo in the last 6 years, but I know that I will see him again someday. And it pains me even more that I cannot go back home to see him laid at his final resting place. All I can do is pray for him and for Lola that she receive all the support she can get during this heart-wrenching time.

That's pretty much all I can do, in addition to this entry I offer to him.

I will miss Lolo so so much. His laugh will echo in my ears. His life will continue to inspire me throughout my own life. And his legacy will live in me.

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An Afternoon Downtown

About a month ago on the 15th of May, my friend Teko had invited me to join him in downtown San Antonio.

The Monday before, I had called Teko to ask him to check out the email I had sent him pertaining to the letter he was to take with him to the US Embassy. Rosa had asked us ISA officers to write a Petition letter, and since I was pretty much the only person who could write a formal letter and was closest to Teko, I said I would do it. So anyway, I called him to tell him about it and he invited me to go Downtown with him the next day. His crew was shooting footages of him Downtown and he wanted to have a companion. How could I say no to that? I've never really went on a tour downtown, so I told him I could go with him after my shift at work. Luckily, I was already in San Antonio because I was working during Maymester, so asking permission from Papa to stay later wouldn't be a problem.

Teko picked me up from school with his film crew and photographer in tow. His producer asked me "Will you be joining us?" I replied with a yes, and he went "Lovely" with that "lovely" foreign accent. We took the bus downtown. It's been a while since I took public transportation. Teko even commented that I must not have taken the bus ever, and I assured him that I have.

When we got to our first destination, The Alamo, Teko got his mic and the camera crew started setting up. I wasn't expecting to be in the shoot really. I thought I was just going to be there to accompany him behind the camera when they weren't shooting, but suddenly I get directions and instructions, and I was just caught in the spur of the moment.

The camera crew wasn't allowed inside, so Teko and I went inside by ourselves. I saw a bunch of Filipinos. I said hello to one Pinay, who told me she was from California.

We were going to split after seeing the inside of the main building, but when Teko found out that I had never been there (compared to his 4 or more times there), he insisted that we go and check out the museum part of it on the side. Then, as per instruction, as we concluded the tour inside, we went to the wishing well. I am such a doofus. Guess what I wished for - on camera, might I add...Success in life. How corny is that? Ahahaha. Then Teko told me we should get a picture in front of The Alamo because I was an Alamo-virgin. Ok, he didn't say that exacty, but it's what I was. Haha.

And because of the extreme heat in Southern Texas, Teko wanted to have ice cream. We passed by The Menger Hotel, and Teko had heard about former President Clinton having buckets of the hotel's famous in-house mango ice cream sent to Capitol Hill and devouring it whenever he was in town. So we treated ourself to the summer delicacy, and oh-my-frickin-lord, it is SO good. I suddenly missed the Philippines. And to think that I'm no fan of Mango ice cream. Seriously though, it was good. And we got it for free, which was even sweeter. Haha.

Oh, and must I add that while waiting for our ice cream, I was interviewed again. Having assumed that I would have been more comfortable in front of the camera by now, I thought I was gonna be ok. Nuh-uh. Not quite. And Teko had introduced me as "This is my girl, Laureen," which sent us off into hysterical laughter afterwards. And when he was asked if I was his girlfriend, that sent both of us laughing again. But it was all good.

After that ordeal, we went to Rivercenter Mall. Finally, some air-conditioning to rid me of the hotness in my face. Hah! But there was more to come. Teko was going to get some Cowboy gear to wear on his trip home to surprise his parents as he got off the plane in South Africa. So anyway, there I was holding Teko's camera up ready to shoot him as he looked at the barage of flannel and tassle-clad shirts, and his Producer suddenly turns the camera to me, and asks me questions that made me want to crawl under the cashier register after I had opened my mouth in reply. Gawd, I am such an embarrassment. If you might remember from past blog entries, I am no good with giving and receiving compliments. So when asked with "Do you think Teko will look handsome?" I went blank and was like "Um, eh, well, uh, we'll see. We'll see." Huh? What a looney.

Teko got his purchase, a black long-sleeved shirt and a black Cowboy hat. Then the both of us went into the back to shoot pictures of him trying on Cowboy boots. His batteries had died though, which was ok, because we were about to call it a day soon enough.

We had lunch at the Hooters joint downstairs. I just LOVE their Fried Pickles appetizer, so I had already made my mind to get those when I found out we were eating there. Teko didn't like pickles, and he claims a show he saw on MTV made him stray away from it. But I was determined to persuade him to try it, and he told me that I should go ahead and order it and we'd split his order of chicken wings. Hah! Success. His producer was shooting random footages for a short while, then packed the camera and microphone when our food arrived. Upon learning that Teko and I had split our orders, he went "You should've told me that you guys split your orders." He might have thought that would make intriguing TV. Haha.

And so off we went. We boarded the bus once again and before I reached my stop, Teko gave me a half-hug and thanked me for spending the afternoon with him. Despite all my booboos, I did have a lot of fun. So yeah, if you live in South Africa, you might see me on TV. Hehe. It'll be shown towards the end of the year. Teko will keep me posted, and I'll let ya' know when I get my 15-minutes of fame - in embarrassing fashion no less. Just last Thursday (the 31st of May), the San Antonio Express News ran Teko's inspirational and heart-warming story, and had 3 pictures accompanying the article. Two out of those pictures were of our afternoon Downtown, so I was in the bloody paper. Heck yeah, just awesome!

As of this moment, I am still waiting on the pictures from Teko's camera. But of course that'll take a while longer, for Teko is busying himself with domestic duties all the way in South Africa. I sure do miss my SMS buddy.

Before The Storm

I really want to write an entry. Ok, yeah, so this IS an entry, but no, I'm talking about a real entry that makes sense.

But with Finals just hanging on my shoulders, I can't think straight.

And my best friends in Texas are leaving. They're transferring to Universities next semester. One of them is going home for the summer. And I'm even afraid that I won't see him again.

I won't have my buddies with me next semester. And it makes me really sad.

But I will write pretty soon. Until then...

eh bakit ba sya ganun?

ok...so my Friendster blog has always been my outlet for Tagalog posts and rantings. nakakapagod rin mag-ingles araw-araw noh. bwahaha. and besides baka may maligaw na banyaga dito na nakakakilala sa mga taong tinutukoy sa sa entry na to. ma-"you're Fired!" pa ako. i kid. but anyway, let the games begin.

kasi naman, magba-blog sana ako dun sa blogspot ko nung tuesday kasi galit na galit na galit talaga ako dun sa presidente ng association namin. as in gaga talaga yun. ang sarap batuhin ng upuan. seriously, i was THISCLOSE to throwing the goddamn chair at her because she had pushed my buttons in all the wrong places. yun nga, mag-blog sana ako pero na-busy ako eh. na-save as draft ko lang. haha. so dito nalang...since di ako maka-reply sa mga messages ko while im in school. no access eh, parang sira. haha.

moving on, biruin mong ipamukha sakin na hindi importante ang ginagawa ko para sa association namin. leche. kasi ganito yun, ok. treasurer ako. so pera lang supposedly ang hawak ko. pero lecheng VP at secretary namin mga walang kwenta. at dahil ako ang ever-bubbly, ever-friendly, ever-active officer, i end up writing the minutes of EVERY SINGLE meeting at pinapadala ko ang email. kasi namin mga hindi sila marunong mag-inglis. SERIOUSLY! they can't form coherent paragraphs that'll make them seem approachable. kaya ako ang nag-volunteer na gumawa ng mga emails. tapos nung tuesday, may inuutos sakin yng presidente na gawin at hanapin ko raw sa website. pero sabi ng coordinator namin na iba nalang daw utusan nya, like yung VP or Secretary, kasi marami na daw akong serbisyong nagawa. at putragis na lecheng inamaw na babae yun. sabihin pa nyang ayaw nyang utusan yung VP kasi nasa HEB at inaasikaaso ang donations namin. kasi daw "may ibang tao dyan na kahit kailan never inasikaso ang mga donations." aminado ako na never nga akong kumuha ng donations coz i have a very viable reason. i don't drive to school so how can she expect me to bring those donations and lug them around campus while waiting for the office to open? diba? yun nga...kaya naiinis ako sa kanya kasi parang ipinamumukha nya sakin na mas important pa yung kaisa-isang ginawa ng Bise-Pres na yun compared sa email na pinapadala ko para updated ang buong association namin. leche sya. at take note, pag may nakikita akong ISA member, nilalapitan ko at pinapa-alala ko na may meeting at sinasabi ko ang agenda ng meeting. mga leche.

tapos kahapon may fundraiser kami. leche tong Bise-Pres. apparently, naka-usap na sya ng Advisor namin and she was reprimanded for not doing anything. at ang leche, pa-epal ang bruha. when she was about to leave our booth, tinanong ako kung dadalhin ko raw yung pera. syempre naman dadalhin ko yung pera dahil yun nga ang trabaho ko at alangan namang iwan ko yun sa booth. eh ang ibig pala nyang sabihin ay kung iuuwi ko ba raw ang pera. HELLO?! bakit ko naman iuuwi yun?  eh sa ISA yun. bibilangin ko lang yun at iiwan ko sa ISA. kung di ba naman sya tanga eh. makes me think tuloy na buti di sya ang naging treasurer. so ayun, tapos the nerve to remind ME, hello ME kung ano ang dapat kong gawin pagka-bilang ko. kesyo, isulat ko raw yung buong amount at lagyan ng date at lagyan ng initials. ay leche ka, pa-epal ka.

basically the whole week, i've been seeing my ISA buddies. ang 'kada ko puro banyaga. Japanese, African, Indian, Korean. haha, puro halos asiano. well, yung Psychology class ko, cool ang tropa namin dun and they're from here. but i digress, ISA muna ang story ko.

on friday, magkikita kami ulit. punta kaming UTSA para sa campus tour. di na sana ako sasama eh, kaso sabi ni Teko na masisira ang rep namin dun kasi less than 15 nalang ang pupunta. ito kasing si Pres eh, may limit ba naman ang pinapa-punta nya. hmph. so anyway, that should be a pleasant trip, kaya lang pinipilit ni Pres na sumabay kami ni Rony at Noriko sa kanila ni Bise-Pres. eh ayaw namin. gusto sana naming hintayin si teko kasi matatapos class nya ng 1:30. sunod nalang sana kami. hmph. but we'll see. then on saturday namin, sasama kami ni Teko sa TSU campus tour. as in, ang bait ni Teko, sasama sya sakin. hehe. then i think, si Yuki rin ata and si Trihn sasama sa TSU.

ang busy ko itong weekend. i have to finish a summary for tuesdays psych class. may presentation kami sa thursday. the tuesday before that, may exam pa kami. then may exam rin ako sa tuesday in my government class. grabe! ito ata pinaka-packed kong weekend this semester. i think. at least, i can't remember any other weekend. haha.

ano pa ba? yun lang ata. basta naiinis talaga ako sa Pres at Bise-Pres namin. may pagka-mayabang rin kasi yung Pres namin. tapos inconsiderate ay may-pagka inconsistent at di marunong mag-delegate ng trabaho. wait a minute....parang magpapatulong syang gumawa ng proposal mamaya ah. lech. well, she doesn't have my number...malas lang nya. ahaha.

oh sya, later skater...

you're so weird

tange talaga yung president ng org namin.

ok, i'm being mean.

pero sa totoo lang, sinong di maiinis dun noh? may meeting kasi kami bukas. then nagpadala sya ng word attachment sa email. supposedly, dapat sa coordinator namin yun ipapadala. pero itong si manang eh pinadala sa email address na wala namang access yung coordinator namin. pano kaya ma-send yun?

so i ended up sending the email myself. wala nang time to resend it to or coordinator kaya i had to send it FIVE times. kasi ito ring lokong email address ng org namin abnormal. it can onnly send email to a specified number of people at a time. argh! buti nalang may access ako dun sa email na yun.

tsaka noh, parang loko...nagsusulat yung president namin ng email dun sa email address na yun. eh sya lang naman ang makakabasa nun. tapos naiinis sya dahil wala raw sumasagot sa emails nya. haha. nakakatawa rin sya.

tapos ang maldita nun. di sya friendly. masyado syang aloof. wala ba naman daw syang paki na walang nag-aatend na association members. what the?! masyadong negative mag-isip. mas suplada pa sakin. sus.

tsaka, kami lang ni noriko ang kumikilos really. tignan mo...bukas after ng meeting namin, kami ulit ni noriko ang gagawa ng email at flyer para sa next org activity namin. hmph. pero k lang naman samin yun. ayaw lang namin na nagrereklmo sya nang walang kwenta. sya rin naman ang my kasalanan. hahay.

randomly emo

random.

there are just those songs that never cease to make my eyes well up.

seriously.

the lyrics aren't even significant...ok, maybe they are. but not at this very moment, they aren't.

i should edit my Top Rated music on my iTunes now. they used to be love songs that were once meaningful to me and a certain someone. lately, whenever i listened to those songs, I find myself clicking the >> button more often before i feel the urge to smash my speakers through the monitor. haha. war freak!

anyway, i really should do that. i've been listening to a lot of emo songs. no, no, not because i constantly want to cry my eyes out, but because i refuse to listen to love songs that talk about grateful lovers in the stratosphere. whatever. i cannot relate with you, people. leave me alone. haha. bitter. no, i'm not.

i can very much relate to most of the songs o my Friendster profile. yeah, go figure. that's the main reason those songs are there: RELATEABILITY. sp check. ok, maybe not. word check, perhaps? whatever.

ok, it's almost midnight. i'll do that some other time. my back is starting to feel that annying little twitch. good night, world.

my friend Resiliency

i never knew i could be this resilient.

imagine being heartbroken TWICE in just a matter of four months. yes, only someone as unlucky as I am would know how that feels.

but i've been through much more drama before, and i've managed to bounce back up from it. i've been down in the dirt, and i've been able to get up and dust my bottom and sail on. not just matters of the heart, but life in general. i only pushed forward and didn't let the problems hold me back.

i brushed the troubles off my shoulder. i smiled for the camera. i persevered.

i know i'll be fine.

stalker-ish

may pagka-stalker ka pala, noh.

you're starting to scare me.

but then i have to laugh first.

why i'm so happy.

International Student's Association Fundraiser: SUCCESS.

woohoo! we were able to raise 221 frickin dollars today from selling hotdogs and soda at school, which now goes to our fun-fund..ok, i just made that term up. haha. we're planning a road trip to houston. ok, i'm kidding. haha. but seriously, we're gonna plan something fun for us to do.

and being treasurer, i had the daunting task of counting the money at the end of the day. and man, are my math skills nonexistent! i needed a calculator - pronto. bwahahaha. kahiya lang ang buhay treasurer. but it's all good. i got to see a number of friends i haven't seen in a while. and we were planning to go bowling tomorrow for our "Singles Night.," but doggone it, i can't go coz they'll be starting at 9. and i live 30 miles away from everyone. blah. so next time...hopefully.

but it was a great day. we're even planning another fundraiser for next month. we can only do one once a month. so yeah...fun fun fun.