lauraldanne's blabbernothings

An Afternoon Downtown

About a month ago on the 15th of May, my friend Teko had invited me to join him in downtown San Antonio.

The Monday before, I had called Teko to ask him to check out the email I had sent him pertaining to the letter he was to take with him to the US Embassy. Rosa had asked us ISA officers to write a Petition letter, and since I was pretty much the only person who could write a formal letter and was closest to Teko, I said I would do it. So anyway, I called him to tell him about it and he invited me to go Downtown with him the next day. His crew was shooting footages of him Downtown and he wanted to have a companion. How could I say no to that? I've never really went on a tour downtown, so I told him I could go with him after my shift at work. Luckily, I was already in San Antonio because I was working during Maymester, so asking permission from Papa to stay later wouldn't be a problem.

Teko picked me up from school with his film crew and photographer in tow. His producer asked me "Will you be joining us?" I replied with a yes, and he went "Lovely" with that "lovely" foreign accent. We took the bus downtown. It's been a while since I took public transportation. Teko even commented that I must not have taken the bus ever, and I assured him that I have.

When we got to our first destination, The Alamo, Teko got his mic and the camera crew started setting up. I wasn't expecting to be in the shoot really. I thought I was just going to be there to accompany him behind the camera when they weren't shooting, but suddenly I get directions and instructions, and I was just caught in the spur of the moment.

The camera crew wasn't allowed inside, so Teko and I went inside by ourselves. I saw a bunch of Filipinos. I said hello to one Pinay, who told me she was from California.

We were going to split after seeing the inside of the main building, but when Teko found out that I had never been there (compared to his 4 or more times there), he insisted that we go and check out the museum part of it on the side. Then, as per instruction, as we concluded the tour inside, we went to the wishing well. I am such a doofus. Guess what I wished for - on camera, might I add...Success in life. How corny is that? Ahahaha. Then Teko told me we should get a picture in front of The Alamo because I was an Alamo-virgin. Ok, he didn't say that exacty, but it's what I was. Haha.

And because of the extreme heat in Southern Texas, Teko wanted to have ice cream. We passed by The Menger Hotel, and Teko had heard about former President Clinton having buckets of the hotel's famous in-house mango ice cream sent to Capitol Hill and devouring it whenever he was in town. So we treated ourself to the summer delicacy, and oh-my-frickin-lord, it is SO good. I suddenly missed the Philippines. And to think that I'm no fan of Mango ice cream. Seriously though, it was good. And we got it for free, which was even sweeter. Haha.

Oh, and must I add that while waiting for our ice cream, I was interviewed again. Having assumed that I would have been more comfortable in front of the camera by now, I thought I was gonna be ok. Nuh-uh. Not quite. And Teko had introduced me as "This is my girl, Laureen," which sent us off into hysterical laughter afterwards. And when he was asked if I was his girlfriend, that sent both of us laughing again. But it was all good.

After that ordeal, we went to Rivercenter Mall. Finally, some air-conditioning to rid me of the hotness in my face. Hah! But there was more to come. Teko was going to get some Cowboy gear to wear on his trip home to surprise his parents as he got off the plane in South Africa. So anyway, there I was holding Teko's camera up ready to shoot him as he looked at the barage of flannel and tassle-clad shirts, and his Producer suddenly turns the camera to me, and asks me questions that made me want to crawl under the cashier register after I had opened my mouth in reply. Gawd, I am such an embarrassment. If you might remember from past blog entries, I am no good with giving and receiving compliments. So when asked with "Do you think Teko will look handsome?" I went blank and was like "Um, eh, well, uh, we'll see. We'll see." Huh? What a looney.

Teko got his purchase, a black long-sleeved shirt and a black Cowboy hat. Then the both of us went into the back to shoot pictures of him trying on Cowboy boots. His batteries had died though, which was ok, because we were about to call it a day soon enough.

We had lunch at the Hooters joint downstairs. I just LOVE their Fried Pickles appetizer, so I had already made my mind to get those when I found out we were eating there. Teko didn't like pickles, and he claims a show he saw on MTV made him stray away from it. But I was determined to persuade him to try it, and he told me that I should go ahead and order it and we'd split his order of chicken wings. Hah! Success. His producer was shooting random footages for a short while, then packed the camera and microphone when our food arrived. Upon learning that Teko and I had split our orders, he went "You should've told me that you guys split your orders." He might have thought that would make intriguing TV. Haha.

And so off we went. We boarded the bus once again and before I reached my stop, Teko gave me a half-hug and thanked me for spending the afternoon with him. Despite all my booboos, I did have a lot of fun. So yeah, if you live in South Africa, you might see me on TV. Hehe. It'll be shown towards the end of the year. Teko will keep me posted, and I'll let ya' know when I get my 15-minutes of fame - in embarrassing fashion no less. Just last Thursday (the 31st of May), the San Antonio Express News ran Teko's inspirational and heart-warming story, and had 3 pictures accompanying the article. Two out of those pictures were of our afternoon Downtown, so I was in the bloody paper. Heck yeah, just awesome!

As of this moment, I am still waiting on the pictures from Teko's camera. But of course that'll take a while longer, for Teko is busying himself with domestic duties all the way in South Africa. I sure do miss my SMS buddy.

Before The Storm

I really want to write an entry. Ok, yeah, so this IS an entry, but no, I'm talking about a real entry that makes sense.

But with Finals just hanging on my shoulders, I can't think straight.

And my best friends in Texas are leaving. They're transferring to Universities next semester. One of them is going home for the summer. And I'm even afraid that I won't see him again.

I won't have my buddies with me next semester. And it makes me really sad.

But I will write pretty soon. Until then...

eh bakit ba sya ganun?

ok...so my Friendster blog has always been my outlet for Tagalog posts and rantings. nakakapagod rin mag-ingles araw-araw noh. bwahaha. and besides baka may maligaw na banyaga dito na nakakakilala sa mga taong tinutukoy sa sa entry na to. ma-"you're Fired!" pa ako. i kid. but anyway, let the games begin.

kasi naman, magba-blog sana ako dun sa blogspot ko nung tuesday kasi galit na galit na galit talaga ako dun sa presidente ng association namin. as in gaga talaga yun. ang sarap batuhin ng upuan. seriously, i was THISCLOSE to throwing the goddamn chair at her because she had pushed my buttons in all the wrong places. yun nga, mag-blog sana ako pero na-busy ako eh. na-save as draft ko lang. haha. so dito nalang...since di ako maka-reply sa mga messages ko while im in school. no access eh, parang sira. haha.

moving on, biruin mong ipamukha sakin na hindi importante ang ginagawa ko para sa association namin. leche. kasi ganito yun, ok. treasurer ako. so pera lang supposedly ang hawak ko. pero lecheng VP at secretary namin mga walang kwenta. at dahil ako ang ever-bubbly, ever-friendly, ever-active officer, i end up writing the minutes of EVERY SINGLE meeting at pinapadala ko ang email. kasi namin mga hindi sila marunong mag-inglis. SERIOUSLY! they can't form coherent paragraphs that'll make them seem approachable. kaya ako ang nag-volunteer na gumawa ng mga emails. tapos nung tuesday, may inuutos sakin yng presidente na gawin at hanapin ko raw sa website. pero sabi ng coordinator namin na iba nalang daw utusan nya, like yung VP or Secretary, kasi marami na daw akong serbisyong nagawa. at putragis na lecheng inamaw na babae yun. sabihin pa nyang ayaw nyang utusan yung VP kasi nasa HEB at inaasikaaso ang donations namin. kasi daw "may ibang tao dyan na kahit kailan never inasikaso ang mga donations." aminado ako na never nga akong kumuha ng donations coz i have a very viable reason. i don't drive to school so how can she expect me to bring those donations and lug them around campus while waiting for the office to open? diba? yun nga...kaya naiinis ako sa kanya kasi parang ipinamumukha nya sakin na mas important pa yung kaisa-isang ginawa ng Bise-Pres na yun compared sa email na pinapadala ko para updated ang buong association namin. leche sya. at take note, pag may nakikita akong ISA member, nilalapitan ko at pinapa-alala ko na may meeting at sinasabi ko ang agenda ng meeting. mga leche.

tapos kahapon may fundraiser kami. leche tong Bise-Pres. apparently, naka-usap na sya ng Advisor namin and she was reprimanded for not doing anything. at ang leche, pa-epal ang bruha. when she was about to leave our booth, tinanong ako kung dadalhin ko raw yung pera. syempre naman dadalhin ko yung pera dahil yun nga ang trabaho ko at alangan namang iwan ko yun sa booth. eh ang ibig pala nyang sabihin ay kung iuuwi ko ba raw ang pera. HELLO?! bakit ko naman iuuwi yun?  eh sa ISA yun. bibilangin ko lang yun at iiwan ko sa ISA. kung di ba naman sya tanga eh. makes me think tuloy na buti di sya ang naging treasurer. so ayun, tapos the nerve to remind ME, hello ME kung ano ang dapat kong gawin pagka-bilang ko. kesyo, isulat ko raw yung buong amount at lagyan ng date at lagyan ng initials. ay leche ka, pa-epal ka.

basically the whole week, i've been seeing my ISA buddies. ang 'kada ko puro banyaga. Japanese, African, Indian, Korean. haha, puro halos asiano. well, yung Psychology class ko, cool ang tropa namin dun and they're from here. but i digress, ISA muna ang story ko.

on friday, magkikita kami ulit. punta kaming UTSA para sa campus tour. di na sana ako sasama eh, kaso sabi ni Teko na masisira ang rep namin dun kasi less than 15 nalang ang pupunta. ito kasing si Pres eh, may limit ba naman ang pinapa-punta nya. hmph. so anyway, that should be a pleasant trip, kaya lang pinipilit ni Pres na sumabay kami ni Rony at Noriko sa kanila ni Bise-Pres. eh ayaw namin. gusto sana naming hintayin si teko kasi matatapos class nya ng 1:30. sunod nalang sana kami. hmph. but we'll see. then on saturday namin, sasama kami ni Teko sa TSU campus tour. as in, ang bait ni Teko, sasama sya sakin. hehe. then i think, si Yuki rin ata and si Trihn sasama sa TSU.

ang busy ko itong weekend. i have to finish a summary for tuesdays psych class. may presentation kami sa thursday. the tuesday before that, may exam pa kami. then may exam rin ako sa tuesday in my government class. grabe! ito ata pinaka-packed kong weekend this semester. i think. at least, i can't remember any other weekend. haha.

ano pa ba? yun lang ata. basta naiinis talaga ako sa Pres at Bise-Pres namin. may pagka-mayabang rin kasi yung Pres namin. tapos inconsiderate ay may-pagka inconsistent at di marunong mag-delegate ng trabaho. wait a minute....parang magpapatulong syang gumawa ng proposal mamaya ah. lech. well, she doesn't have my number...malas lang nya. ahaha.

oh sya, later skater...

my friend Resiliency

i never knew i could be this resilient.

imagine being heartbroken TWICE in just a matter of four months. yes, only someone as unlucky as I am would know how that feels.

but i've been through much more drama before, and i've managed to bounce back up from it. i've been down in the dirt, and i've been able to get up and dust my bottom and sail on. not just matters of the heart, but life in general. i only pushed forward and didn't let the problems hold me back.

i brushed the troubles off my shoulder. i smiled for the camera. i persevered.

i know i'll be fine.

stalker-ish

may pagka-stalker ka pala, noh.

you're starting to scare me.

but then i have to laugh first.

why i'm so happy.

International Student's Association Fundraiser: SUCCESS.

woohoo! we were able to raise 221 frickin dollars today from selling hotdogs and soda at school, which now goes to our fun-fund..ok, i just made that term up. haha. we're planning a road trip to houston. ok, i'm kidding. haha. but seriously, we're gonna plan something fun for us to do.

and being treasurer, i had the daunting task of counting the money at the end of the day. and man, are my math skills nonexistent! i needed a calculator - pronto. bwahahaha. kahiya lang ang buhay treasurer. but it's all good. i got to see a number of friends i haven't seen in a while. and we were planning to go bowling tomorrow for our "Singles Night.," but doggone it, i can't go coz they'll be starting at 9. and i live 30 miles away from everyone. blah. so next time...hopefully.

but it was a great day. we're even planning another fundraiser for next month. we can only do one once a month. so yeah...fun fun fun.

naaliw lang

last night, i found out that officer na pala ako sa ISA. haha. how amusing. despite not being able to attend the meeting/election last month, i still managed to get elected. how grand is that? awesome.

ISA's first meeting was held this afternoon. at wala ulit ako. haha. anong klaseng officer ka, Laureen? well,what can i do? i had class. i stopped by the ISO to ask about the agenda and whaddaya know, they decided to move the next meeting to a time that i would be able to make it. haha. special. special child with special needs. anywho, i think it's cool.

it's the first time that i'm taking the reigns as the official money-handler. yupyupyup,isa akong Treasurer. for the first time in my life. i've been elcted president, vice president, secretary (twice pa), and PRO. never a Treasurer. until last month. cool.

so yeah, mejo intimidating lang kasi i have to take extra care of the benjamins put in my care for the rest of the year. i must not disappoint my constituents. bwahaha.

hello, eavesdropper.

i absolutely love it when my prayers are answered when i least expect it.

for the entire week i've been fervently praying to God that i see my friend just to be sure that my friend wasn't avoiding me for some reason unimaginable.

every night, i whispered to God to please please please make it possible for my friend and i to bump into each other as a sign that we still do have a friendship burning. and whaddaya know, as i was getting off the escalator on the 3rd floor from the second floor, i see my friend getting off the escalator on the same floor from the opposite direction.

so for posterity's sake...

"hello."

"hello."

"how are you?"

"tired. and kinda down."

"down?"

"yeah, my books are weighing me down."

"oh. yeah, mine are, too. where are you headed off to?"

"cafeteria. it's lunch time."

"uh-huh."

"i'll see you later, ok." (hugs exchanged)

"wait, what's your schedule like?"

"i'm here [all day]."

"mmmhmmm. did you change your number?"

"what number do you have?"

"......?"

"oh, i don't have that anymore. i don't have a phone right now. i have a pager."

"uh, that isn't much help."

"yeah. well, T-Mobile sucks."

"my parents have T-Mobile."

"ok, maybe not so much."

"yeah, but they think it sucks, too."

"yeah."

*silence*

"ok. well, see you later."

"yeah, later." (hugs exchanged)

"call me."

"i'll try."

and that was that. and our friendship goes on.

no more freezer burn

pasukan na bukas. yeah. for sure na toh. wala nang Winter Blast kaekekan. the weather is fine. the highway is no more frozen. well, the heck...if it was still frozen, i still would go to school if alamo district told me to. ahaha. i am so lame, i know it.

anywho, sana pumasok rin sya. you know, para may kasama akong tumambay. AND sana di rin ako sunduin nang maaga ng aking mahal na ama na ayaw akong papasukin sa eskuwelahan. hmph. but i'm so bored at home. walaang magawa. i really need to get back to school. diba? diba? diba? para meron na ulit akong makwento sa blog ko.

oh yeah, this is Suburbia. a view from my backyard. no, that isn't snow. that is sleet. it didn't snow on my side of the woods on Hill Country in in Southern Texas. boring. but the view was quite pretty anyway.

i was gonna go out sana. pero bad trip tong weather sa Texas. everything froze over. and i got the sniffles. so even if my friends and i did end up planning something fun to do during the last weekend, i still wouldn't be able to make it. not cool. being sick sucks.

i didn't really do anything blab-worthy during the "winter" break. (some will say 'vacation,' but it was WAY to short to call it that, so i'm sticking to 'break') starting school will give me something to complain about. ahaha. all i've been doing is watching loads of TV and complaining about how my "bunkmate" drives me to the brink of my sanity. oh help me, Lord.

so yeah, papasok na ako. so i gotta scramush, so i can get up early tomorrow. later, skaters.

tigilan mo ako

just typing out loud. literally.

wag ka ngang reklamo nang reklamo. tignan mo na't ang lalim na ng crease dyan sa forehead mo. para kang hindi babaeng biente-tres anyos lang.

eh kasalanan ko bang may mga taong nakaka-irita at pilit nang sinisiksik ang kanilang buhay sa vicinity ko. sila rin ang may kasalanan kung bakit ako nakaka-hanap ng ikare-reklamo ko. kung namili lang sila ng ibang lugar na pagkakalatan ng kanilang lagim, eh di at peace sana ako buong taon ng 2006.

kaya, please lang...sana layuan narin nila ako ngayon noh. para matupad ko NYR ko. you know, as in New Year's Resolution. oo, meron narin ako nun. na-realize ko kagabi while laying sleepless na meron pala akong gustong baguhin sa sarili ko. kasi dati, nung nagsimula yung taon, iniisip ko na wala naman talaga akong gustong baguhin...dahil tinatamad akong mag-isip. ahaha. LAME-O.

ayun, so gusto kong mejo bawas-bawasan yung pagre-reklamo ko. kasi napansin ko na pag may kausap ako at ka-kwentuhan, laging reklamo ang ginagawa ko. tsktsk. good luck sa'kin.

every day gets better

i've told two lifelong friends of the whole story. i've shared the sordid details with about a handful of curious new friends. i gave the same spiel, without missing a beat on every occasion. and it's funny because the more times i told it, the more i became confused about how it really started to end.

and as usual, in the wee hours of the morning, i decided to go online and dig through my archives and find out how it all started...how this mess was unraveled. and as usual, my Friendster blog gets the first dibs on the scoop.

it was my mistake. i started it. i shouldn't have run my mouth like that. it was totally uncalled for. i should've just let the cards fall where they were supposed to. i shouldn't have stopped what was supposed to be a peaceful good-bye, instead i asked that the person stay for a while and let go of the steam in my presence. and it just got me into this abyss. it was actually absurd how that conversation started. it was quite shallow really. i can't believe all this started with weight issues. OMG. but what else can i do? what's done is done.

whether or not i said something uncalled for, it would've ended the same way - the end. that's what we call fate. it was the inevitable.

i don't have to cry over spilled milk. all i can do is move on from it and take the lessons learned, hoping that the person who shared that conversation with me feels the same way.

*cluckcluckcluck*

Laureen, you're such a chicken. Akala ko ba kaya mo yun. Pweh.

Damn, I wanna kick myself in the rear end. I was so close to asking, and I chickened out.

*I pity the foo*

You've Got To Be Kidding Me

Ok, nasa ranting mode nanaman ako ngayon.

I was checking out my Friendster profile, right, and checked out my testimonials. Tuwa pa nga ako eh kasi 136 pala testimonials ko. Pag dating ko sa last page (page28 ata) eh lokong lecheng yawa yang Friendster - kulang testimonials ko. Yung first testi ko lumalabas galing kay Louis, eh si Carla dapat una. Supposedly 2003 yun.

Hay naku, naiinis ako. Maybe bug nanaman. Malay ko. Pero naiinis nanaman ako.

Anywho, may camping ako. Weeeeeee. Layas ako ng bahay on my own with my Asian troops. haha. Di pa nga ako nakaka-update ng blogspot ko. Busy kasi ang lola nyo eh. Ang hectic ng schedule ko dito sa Texas - kaloka talaga.

So ayun, alis na ako. Maiwan pa ako ng bus ko. have fun sakin! haha.

*tears*

i lost my dog Russ

i am heartbroken

Mumbling In The Corner

How can you walk away just like that?

How can you bear the thought of leaving behind the one thing that made you happy for almost a decade?

How can you muster losing something and act like it didn't mean anything?

Don't you care at all?

Did it not mean anything to you?

Is it really as easy as a snap of a finger?

Is this what you really wanted from the beginning?

Were you no longer happy with what you had?

Is it really that easy to turn your back on something so deep, so pure, so true?

What happened to waiting and getting by easily?

What happened to making a promise and then end up breaking it anyway?

Well, screw you!

But wasn't it just a trial?

Maybe it was at that point, but it was probably evident that in the long run, the inevitable would occur. It'll be the same heart-wrenching ending.

So nobody was supposed to know. Nobody needed to know. Yes, just so we could save face and push everything under the covers and deny it actually did happen. It was working. Nobody asked and nobody told. But as days went by, the lies accumulated.

I'm tired. I'm tired of exerting all my effort in something I don't get anything back from. It's as if I've been doing all the friggin work for the longest time.

I'm tired of hoping. And making endless dreams. And reciting unanswered prayers. And yearning for a tomorrow that may never come.

I'm tired of just smiling. And pretending that everything is just dandy.

I've held on for as long as I could. I refused to let go. I hung on to the end of the rope for what seemed like an eternity.

We've talked about this. We've discussed some of the possibilities. We'll be fine.

I didn't know who could listen. I was just clueless. And I was afraid of what they might say.

Then one day, someone asked, and what I've been feeling for the past few months came out like an avalanche. Putting it out in the open just made me realize what I should have probably done from the beginning. You know, just to save me from being so over stressed-out from everything else.

And I didn't cry. Maybe I was afraid that if I started sniffling, I would make a complete fool of myself, blowing out snot in between sobs and spattering out words of hurt and dread and confusion. Maybe I've cried too much already in the past. Maybe my tear ducts are dried out. Maybe it really hasn't sunken it yet. Maybe I'm just subconsciously mentally preparing myself for a tear-fest evening.

I feel like I owe people an explanation. I really don't. I just don't want people to draw their own conclusions without knowing the whole story. If you don't know squat, just shut your piehole and don't make up stories. Asking me will actually do you no harm.

As much as I feel like I am pretty open about things, there are certain people I choose to pour it all out to. There are those chosen few that can get private thoughts out of me without even trying. And they haven't heard from me in a while. I have kept silent for the longest time, too. And I am certain that they do not blame me.

Helluva Week Ahead

October 11 (Wed)
Band Concert (required in my music class)
PsychSurf Lab to print references
Write History Midterm essays (remaining 4)

October 12 (Thurs)
Map Test in Government (South America)
Write History Midterm essays (if not finished)

October 13 (Fri)
Physical exam (downtown) = rescheduled to the 20th
Guitar Ensemble (required for music class) = cancelled
Write History Midterm exam and/or Psychology Research Paper

October 14 (Sat)
Write paperSSSS
Study for Psychology exam #3
Study for Music exam #2

October 15 (Sun)
deadline for early submission of History Midterm
Write Psychology Research Paper

October 16 (Mon)
Psychology Reaserch paper

October 17 (Tues)
Music Exam (Baroque and Classical Periods)
Psychology Exam (Erikson, Fromm, and Rogers)
DEADLINE History Midterm

October 18 (Wed)
write Psychology Research paper
study for map test

October 19 (Thurs)
Psychology Research Paper DEADLINE
Map test in Government (Africa)
5th Anniversary on American soil

I am so busy, it's not even funny. I should be allowed to reward myself next weeken, don't you think. I've set the date in my head; I've asked permission from my parents, although they seemed quite apprehensive at first, they seem to be ok with the idea. Just a little more coaxing and I will be just fine. I deserve it. They should let me do what I want to do.

Oh help me, Lord.

[edit#1 - Oct.14 (Sat) 10am]

My Epiphany

I think I have finally started to accept the fact that some good things do come to an end.

I have started to feel that I can in fact move on from something as unbearable and unthinkable as this.

What used to make me feel so happy is now hanging on a thread for dear life as it is about to enter the realm of blissful memories and nothing else.

I guess I'm starting to see the remnants of what-has-been, and I can't seem to wait to start anew, on a new foot in a new environment.

I'm now smiling more, oftentimes accompanied by staring off into space remembering silly things I haven't thought of in a while.

But sometimes I still find myself confused. I still find myself wondering why things just have to be this complicated. I am still stunned by the occasional "what if."

And although I have been forewarned, I can't help myself. It seems to be inevitable, and I have become attached to the thought of it.

It may seem a bit harsh on my part, but I do think this is for the best. It might even appear as though I never cared about what has transpired and that I am one heartless biatch that can just walk away unscathed. If they only knew how many sleepless nights I spent thinking about this, then they would understand. It wasn't easy at all. I was on the verge of insanity, to say the least.

But I've come to realize that there really is a reason for things that happen. And though the choices may not be what we expect, we have to make one. And then go on with our lives.

I Would Like To File A Complaint

Incessant ranting up ahead. If you can't take that, feel free to click on the little x on the top-right portion of your screen.

My schedule has been very hectic. I know it's so dumb, I don't even work. All I do is go to school full-time and I am complaining. Blah! I signed up for Tuesday and Thursday classes this semester and I'm in school from 6 in the bloody morning until 6 in the evening. WHY? Oh, I'll tell you why. Since I live 35 miles away from school, I refuse to drive myself on Texas freeway, so I carpool with Papa who has to go to work anyway. He leaves EARLY and heads home at about 6, so there you go. And I figured my vacant hours in between classes would allow me to do whatever research work I needed to get down, but it turns out, the hours aren't enough. I have so many papers to write. I have exams to study for.

Ahhh, all those papers I need to write...

• Psychology Research Paper (my topic - my ever-favorite, fate in connection to personality)
• History Mid-Term (all the research I have to do, and I still don't have my main source - my textbook)
• Small Town Project (i need pictures, original documents, street maps, 2 interviews!!!)
• Psychology Personality Paper (i'll be needing "guinea pigs" and i only know about a handful of people in Texas)

Which are all due in about a month an a half's time. And then there are all the exams that come right after each other, on top of quizzes, homework, map tests, notetaking. I've never complained about school like this - ever! At least, as far as I can remember. And I was hoping to get a job this semester, but I don't have the motivation to bring myself to the office and finalize my application because I have stuff to do. Since I can only work on Tuesdays and Thursdays, that just leaves me no more room to do research in school. Darnit! So I'm vacillating on the idea of just putting working off until next semester. That is until my parents bug to to go on and just do it. But nakakahiya dun sa tumulong sakin. She was really nice to me and then I'd put seeing her off. So I'm really confused. I don't wanna feel bad and I don't want to make it seem like I've ditched the prospect of being her employee.

On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, when I am supposed to be at home relaxing...I really can't. I still have more to study. My Music Appreciation class even requires that I study using the CD-Rom provided with our textbook. Music shouldn't be THIS frustrating. I had no choice really, it was either that or Art, and I am NOT an artist, hello. My History book hasn't even arrived yet when I ordered it online over 3 weeks ago. Stupid seller! Even my little internet usage does me no good. All I really do online is delete spam, read "short" forwarded message, and then sign-off and study. I don't have time to read long emails anymore - even the regular length emails. I can't even blog anymore. Huhu. I haven't been able to blog-hop either which results to my losing visitor hits. Blast! This blog entry results from the choice to either blog-hop and catch up with people or rant about how I can no longer enjoy the thrill of it.

I haven't been able to watch TV either. No more PrimeTime madness. Sad. Good thing we still have the DVR, so I can record the shows I've been missing. But I can't imagine what life would be like without it, and that's in 7 months time, when we have to return the apparatus and be DVR-less beings that we once were.

And I just found out that I am still a Freshman. And my GPA is going down the drain. All the more reason for me to stop slacking off and do everything in my power to study my butt off and bring it back up where it used to be. Well, ok, it's partly my fault, too because I had to ditch school and go shopping at Ayala and SM. Dumb dumb dumb. But why am I still a freshman? Because I've studied in 3 different colleges, and each had their own course requirements. Obviously, what is required in one school isn't needed in another. Estoofid! So I have to take SO much more credits before I can get my degree.

And of course, I have saved the best worst for last.

I'm so confused. I really really am. I don't know what I want to do anymore. About what you might ask? Well, that's the problem, I can't even talk about it, afraid that I just might end up hurting more people in the process. I'm not even sure if I should be this confused because I don't know if there really is "something" there. You know what I mean? Well, of course you don't. I am being extremely vague. *sigh* I don't know who to turn to because everyone is affected by this sticky situation. Ok, maybe they really aren't and I'm just being paranoid. But the truth of the matter is that I highly doubt anyone will understand what I'm going through. Sure I've received a ton of advice through the years relating to this same problem, despite it being nonexistent back then. Perhaps people knew all too well before I did that this is inevitable, while I was just shrugging them off, cursing under my breath, and wondering why I called this person a friend. I guess this is a bit different from what they expected. Even I didn't see this one coming. Which is another big reason why I can't figure out if I want to ask for advice. People do know though that I can pretty much take care of myself when it comes to big decisions like this. I know what I want and do anything I can to get it, so running to the nearest exit for help is always the last resort. What crapload!

I'm done complaining for the meantime. Talk to you later, folks!

Disturbing Leniency

I had my first exam of the semester last Tuesday in my Music Appreciation class. I seriously thought a music class would be a breeze, which is why I chose to take it instead of something else. Sure, you may say, how hard is it to listen to music? Right. The first couple of class meetings, I wanted to scream out "Bloody hell, why do I have to learn about textures, scales, and tonality, and whatever else when the course was supposed to teach me about music from the beginning of time?!" Obviously, I didn't do that. It didn't even help that my professor seemed to be all over the place most of the time. And when it was time to study for the exam, I felt like my notes were all jumbled up. Good thing I've made it a point to prepare reviewers, so it wasn't as bad. But the weekend was quite busy and I didn't have much time to study. I had asked Kuya to help me review and he went, "Ni, kelangan mo pang mag-aral" after giving me a mock exam. Shoot. I countered though (in my head of course and not out loud) that the test shouldn't be that bad because we did go over quite a few supposed test questions - over and over and over.

Come Tuesday, as much as I wanted to say that I was ready, I wasn't as confident as I should have been because I knew there was a Listening part and I still couldn't differentiate Monophonic melodies from Homophonic or Polyphonic. Blast!. When I was handed the test paper, I was actually quite surprised because it wasn't your ordinary American college test with mutiple choice questions. Instead, it reminded me more of an exam a Filipino teacher would give - fill in the blank, open-ended questions, matching type, enumeration. The only typical type of test missing was the Essay part. Haha. There were a couple of things I didn't know or couldn't remember, and the last section of the Listening part was just abysmal. We didn't go over the various textures as much as we should have and I was sure I would flunk that part.

Yesterday, we got our exam results. Not bad, I got myself an 86, screwing up on the part where I had to identify the textures. After handing out all the exam results, the professor gave us this spiel about wanting everyone to pass and talking about his going over the test questions. Like, seriously, it was spoonfeeding. And then he goes, "Do you believe in Justice or Mercy?" And I, being the Court TV fanatic I am, mumbled "Justice" when it was practically obvious where this discussion was going. Most of the people so-believed in Mercy, and so did our teacher. And I was caught off-guard when he said that he was going to give everyone a second shot at taking the test. What?! Seriously, was it THAT bad? How many people flunked the test?

Some of you might be thinking, "Oh, shut up - just because you got an 86." But really, people shouldn't have been getting scores below 50 - which seemed to be the case - because we've gone over the same material for two weeks already. So on Tuesday, he's letting us retake the exam. The exact same exam, might I add. Ok ok, so I should be thanking my lucky stars for 2nd chances. After all, people do deserve such. What just bothers me though is how incredulous it is that people would flunk on such easy material. It is just bizaare.

And also in the same class, we're assigned a musical composer to do a presentation on and every day, someone must present. Days have gone by and already a handful of people have missed their reporting dates because either they forgot it was due, they forgot they even had a report to do, or they just assumed they could do it the next class meeting. It's my professor's fault, too. I keep thinking that if this was a class in the Philippines, their actions would get them an automatic zero for that activity. And I actually think that's better - it'll teach people to be more responsible. Whenever my classmates say they've forgotten their report, my professor would just say, "Ok, be sure to bring your report to the next class. I really don't want this activity to be too far behind." And that's it?! On our syllabus, though, it does state that the report is an integral part of our grade, so he shouldn't be taking it as lightly as this. From the beginning, he should have laid down the law - if you fail to do your presentation the day it is due, there will be consequences. I think that's how it should've been.

In my Government class, it isn't much different. And because I am SO behind in these lectures because I don't really know squat about American politics, I have to write everything the professor says and be sure I understand what he's saying or writing on the board. He even has that Southern accent I adore, but the drawl is thick, and it is a struggling feat to understand him some times. Anyway, on Tuesday, the class was asked to bring a copy of the US Constitution to class for the discussion on Thursday. Come Thursday, when the assignment was brought up - and yes, you might have guessed correctly - there was an outburst of profanity as more than half the class forgot there was an assignment. Come to think of it, I think the entire class freaked out. So our teacher goes, "Just bring it to the next class." That was it?! I was floored. Ok fine, what punishment could be given to people who forget to bring a bunch of paper, right? Well, credit to those who brought their copies would be fine. Hmph! So after I had to search the internet for the bloody constitution (ok, I admit, it wasn't THAT hard - another point why I wasn't happy people didn't do it), we wouldn't use it until next week? Oh, people.

For some reason, I am so chatty today. And I'm not even halfway done talking about American education in general. One reason being that I saw this show on TV that talked about the abysmal education middle schoolers and high schoolers get in American schools. So yeah, until then...toodle-loo. It has been a while since I wrote on my Friendster blog. Embarrassing as it is that I am partially recycling this entry from my blogger, I find it worthy enough to be mentioned more than once in cyberspace ;)

Thank God it is Friday...I can try to relax a bit until schoolwork catches up to me.

Nakakahiya Ka

So yesterday I attended the mandatory orientation for new international students before school started on Monday (Tuesday for me). I really wasn't expecting to meet any Filipinos as I was fully aware that most Filipinos who arrived on American soil were either tourists or immigrants, and not on student visas. There I was with a group of foreign people the same skin color I had awaiting the instructor who would take us to our venue. There was this one girl whose eyes met mine and we smiled at each other. I then asked her "So where are you from?" and she goes "Philippines." Hah! Would you imagine my delight to have met someone at the beginning of the day?

During the orientation, we received an abundance of information. Not quite overwhelming just yet, but I did have to keep up with writing the things down. She and I were looking around the room to see faces of other Asians, mostly Koreans, Vietnamese, Indians, and Japanese, wondering if there were other Filipinos there. And while we were having lunch and chatting away, one girl comes up to us and says, "Pilipino mo?" How very obvious that she was Bisaya, I thought to myself. Of course we were all chatty catching up on what our majors were, and how long we've all been in the country, and what visas we had when we entered. You know, the basics. Both of them already had a bachelors degree from the Philippines and both entered the US as tourists who applied for student visas after their extension AND were both taking the road to nursing. I had a completely different story - left in my sophomore year, dependent of a working visa, psychology major. It was cool.

The only problem was: they talked in Bisaya nonstop. The first girl I met was from Cagayan De Oro, but we were speaking to each other in Tagalog the whole time. The second girl, who started the conversation with her unintentional Visayan question was from Cebu. I really had no trouble understanding what they were saying because I've been hearing that same dialect for almost five years that I've lived in Cebu. But what I did realize was that my Visayan Dictionary and Grammar were quite rusty. Oh I could easily speak in Visayan phrases, I can still understand the basic conversational ruels and syntax and where to put the accents and whatnot, but when I have to say 3 or 4 sentences, one after the other in Bisaya, I end up grammatically challenged. Come on and give me a break, I haven't heard anyone speak the dialect in almost 5 years since I've been here.

Of course I ended up talking in Tagalog for the most part. I know that was the solution all along, but the trouble with me (i think it's just me) is that because I was so used to using the dialect myself, that when I hear people using it, I assume I can still speak the dialect with no trouble, forgetting that I am really not used to speaking it anymore. And yes, I was wrong to think I could still easily hold a Visayan conversation at a drop of a coin.

And as if that wasn't enough. I made a complete doofus of myself when I was barok for a moment.

When asked, "Anong visa mo nung pumasok dito?" (spoken in Bisaya of course), I replied, "Etch four" Huh? Ano? Unsa? Leche! "H4," I said again, correctly pronouncing the "H." Ano ba yan, Laureen, pati ba naman inglis ang pangit mong sabihin. Kahiya lang. I wanted to hit myself.

And what a relief it was when "Ms. Cebu" had left because I was actually getting tired of my personal boo-boos. The great thing about that little chatty moment was that I did meet people from the Philippines, and meeting people from home is always a good thing.

The Words Of An Uninspired Blogger

My brain has been dead for the past week, which has unfortunately prevented me from writing a decent blog. Sure, I can muster up some words and formulate them into coherent sentences, but that's as far as it goes.

I used to be able to conjure up something that would seem interesting to read, like something about this so-called-life, and what makes it so rollercoaster-y. Or perhaps I could come up with something about love, yes young sweet love, that makes you weak at the knee whenever you are reminded of how it began. Because I, for a fact, am a product of that same young love. Ahhh, the remnants of my flowery high school life. No, not the wallflower type. My high school life is something worth reliving. Now if only I had a time machine. Ok, i'm drifting off again.

One of my English teachers has taught me that whenever an idea for an article comes about, one must record this, lest it be forgotten. Lately, my ideas creep into my brain at night in the dark when I am tucked under the covers getting ready to drift off to Dreamland. How uber-awesome is that? Not so. Of course by that time I would be too lazy to get out of bed and write what I just thought about. And that's been historically proven. My best ideas come late at night. Do I hear night person somewhere in the vicinity? Right. When assigned to write an essay for school, I can stay up all night with a deadline looming over my head with just a few hours to spare, and I'd have my essay at the break of dawn. Sure, I wouldn't get much sleep, but I got the task done. And it is just unfortunate that since I do not have a deadline to beat, it's still the same. There is just no reason for me to pull myself out of my sleepy reverie to write something down.

Yesterday, while I was in the car enjoying the Texas scenery, things suddenly popped in my head. Normally, I had a notebook and a pen ready for me to jot down these things, but of course, as ironic as it would be, these two important things were nowhere in sight because it was the one day that I decided I didn't want to take a purse with me, which of course contained my pen & paper.

When I'm watching a movie or listening to a song, my family would laugh at me when they find me furiously scribbling something on paper, and say "Ano nanaman yang naisip mo?" I have written down a gazillion things - many I have written about, while some others obliterated like some archived part of forgotten history.

Well, for one thing, my life hasn't been that much interesting lately. Not like it was before, but what can you expect when you've just moved to a new part of the country and you're broke? Yes, nothing much. Or maybe I have been going to some places worth mentioning, but am just too lazy to sit down and write about it. Ok, in fairness to myself, I have managed to post and upload some pictures and write something about them. If I haven't been able to make it clear already, it takes time for me to write an essay. I do a lot of writing and rewriting. When I have my draft, which I had to painstakingly write down on paper, I would type it out the next day (or a few hours later) and do revisions while doing so. Tiring process, I know.

In reality, though, I can find something to write about concerning just anything, like how the heat is scorching in Southern Texas, or how bright it still is at 9 o'clock at night. Or the four types of clouds in the sky. Or the house being under construction. Or the next movie I would want to see. Or the mere fact that my boyfriend is a thousand miles away from where I want him to be (or where he wants me to be, however you want to look at it). This one of course being the most obvious as it has been repeated over and over and over. Everything seems to hold something note-worthy if given the proper backdrop - which I of course am lazy to think of.

And as if not being able to write a blog entry is enough, I can't even gather the words to reply to people's friendly emails and messages to me. I feel like a very bad person. Ugh! Sure, how hard is it to return the hello and ask how the person has been doing since the last time you've seen them? I do want something more than that. Like this letter from one of my friends, it is full of updates about how her life has been going. It would be a shame if I just replied with a "That's great to hear" and bid her good-bye. Right.

Since I've been such a disgrace to the blogging world, I have decided to soak myself in Photoshop. I'm not much of an artist, if you must know. The layouts I come up with is just pure luck. Doesn't everyone say that? But yes, I would rather pour out my frustrations in colors these days than in words, which of course is obvious in my latest blog layout (on blogspot, that is). It is a drab old shade of gray - so uninspired. Even the side panel picture is recycled. Haha. I'm trying to imagine (yes IMAGINE is the word, indeed) that I am happy and chirpy, and very girly just to come up with a cheerful layout this time around.

So here goes another entry of blabbernothings. And what is a better way to end it? How in the world would I know? I'm already having trouble starting one, so you can't expect me to know how to end it, now do you? Until then.

Don't Ask Me

parang selfish ako

hindi na yata tama ginagawa ko

parang may mga nasasaktan na yata

ito ako, pangiti-ngiti at patawa-tawa, pero deep down masakit

nakakalito

para bang pinipilit ka nalang yung hindi na pwede

inaayawan na, subalit ito pa rin ako na nagpupumilit

di ko alam sinong tatakbuhan ko

takot kasi akong baka marinig ko lang yung di ko gustong marinig

yung pinakainiiwas-iwasan kong mga salita

words that would cause me to wreak havoc upon the speaker

baka lalo lang nila akong lilituhin

lalong gugulo buhay ko

i used to think it was all set in stone

i used to think i knew it was certain

ngayon - i'm not so sure

and it hurts

ang dami kasing dapat i-take into consideration

dati parang ang dali lang ng buhay

i have never felt so alone

ayaw kong mag-paalam

ayokong maudlot ito

gusto ko pa ring matupad yung mga pangarap na sinimulan noon pa

gusto kong bumalik ang kahapon na puno ng ligaya

dahil ito lang talaga magdadala sakin ng saya

pero imposible yun

kahit ano pang sabihin nila

buhay ko ito, hindi ito sa kanila

ako pa rin ang magdi-decide ng kinabukasan ko

gusto kong matupad yun

kahit ano gagawin ko, basta kaya ko

sana di nalang ako tinapon sa sitwasyon na ganito

napaka-hirap

araw-araw nalang na ginawa ng Diyos, d maiwasang mag-isip

at magtanong sa sarili

nakakabaliw

di ko malaman ang gagawin ko

ayokong mawalan ng pag-asa

di ko talaga gawain yun

dapat optimistic lagi

pero hindi ko na yata kaya

subalit kakayanin ko

for my own sanity

I have updated my Friendster blog

You have probably arrived here through:

LAZYlalala has updated lauraldanne's blabbernothings

By a show of hands, who did? Yes, I can almost see those hands shooting up into the air. Ok, seriously, I don't. I don't even know if anybody reads this. Haha. Why? Coz nobody leaves any comments. Not that I'm complaining - I may sound like I am, but believe me, I'm not. I used to have a couple of regular commenters before - before I completely deleted my first Friendster blog without warning. I can't even remember why I did so. Tuloy, no more comments. Blah. And for some reason, I find it difficult to keep track of who leaves comments. I suggest Friendster send out email if someone has left a comment (if they haven't already).

Even I am guilty of not leaving comments. The thing is, I do read those updated blogs on Friendster. Sometimes I'm just lazy to come up with something equally smart to say, so I just end up nodding my head as if to seem to like I understood and move on to the next blog.

One of my friends blogged a while back about a friend of his who was complaining about that so-called annoying Friendster email alert letting it be known that so-and-so has updated his or her blog. I actually like that feature because it is very convenient. When I go online, the first thing I check is my email. It may be overflowing with Friendster as Sender, but it makes life easier for me coz it serves as an automatic link to newly updated blogs without my having to remember that uber-long URL. There are a couple of URLs that I've memorized through time, such as those fellow Blogger/Blogspot friends I have, but some people I know rely on Friendster.

Anyway, what was I getting at? Haha. Oh right, how I like the email update feature. Yeah, I do. End of story.

I really don't keep my Friendster blog updated regularly. The main reason being that I have a Blogger account. But lately I have had the strangest feeling (kanta yun ah. haha) - seriously, lately Blogger has been giving me a headache. It's been malfunctioning during the hours that my creative writing juices are overflowing and I am in dire need of an outlet. It just pisses me off. One of my blogfriends and I have even talked about moving to another blog service (boycott!).

I have about a hundred (ok, exag yun) other blogs scattered across cyberspace: blogger, xanga, myspace, livejournal, friendster, multiply, wordpress, tblog, diaryland. It's insane! I can't even remember my sn and passwords to some of them anymore. Nevertheless, I never left my first ever blog - which explains why my archive dates way back to 2002. I can't seem to abandon it for good. AND it's the only one updated almost everyday. In fairness, it has been completely functional more times than not. It's only been a couple of weeks that I wanted to kick its system to the curb. So, I dunno what I'm going to do. I don't wanna leave Blogger, but it's really starting to annoy the heck out of me. Argh!

While I'm along the lines of ranting, the Miami Heat bored me to tears during Sunday night's game. They seem to have forgotten that they are playing for the ultimate trophy and some serious bling. They have no play whatsoever and the "supporting cast" has not delivering the shots they need badly. By now, they should be very much aware that Shaq is effective in the paint only when he is UNDER the basket (or a dribble away), and not five dribbles away where he has to fight his way between Mavericks who are double or triple teaming him. Ugh. I actually wanted to retire to bed early because it was a horrible game to watch - the third quarter most especially. But of course, being a true fan that I claim to be (yet not fanatic enough to buy a thousand-plus dollar worth ticket & fly to Miami or Dallas to watch live), I stuck around staying optimistic but being left in vain to witness a 14-point Miami loss. Tonight is Game 3 at the American Airlines Arena in Miami. Hoy Heat, tama na. Wag nang magpa-talo ha.

So...until my next Friendster blog update. Au revoir.

I Need Arkarna

I am in serious writer mode these days. Due to the fact that I've been writing (or trying to formulate) essays for a week now. The effect on me is intoxicating.

I would like to write something more interesting or mind-boggling or noteworthy even, but as usual, I have no time.

I have yet to update my profile on Friendster because right now, the About Me portion is one boring statement and shameless plug.

Even my Myspace, which by the way I seldom visit, is snore-able to view. True, my page is all pretty in pink and purple, but the content is anything but interesting to read. Unlike my Kuya's Myspace that is SOOOOOO creatively done. In fairness, his Friendster is plain. haha.

I have a million things to do. I only have 24 hours in a day. I sleep about 6 hours at night.

I'm ready to move out of this place. You know, this place that costs my parents an arm and a leg. And where my tuition is just astronomically gut-wrenchingly expensive. Seriously. Not cool. I'm ready to live like a nomad again if it means saving money.

But really, I should have time after Finals week. It is Finals week...finally. After Thursday, I should have more time. I SHOULD.

Say What Now?

There is something seriously wrong with my Yahoo Inbox. I just wanted to rant about that. I've always loved how purple my Inbox was and now it is one boring, plain, and ugly white page with blue texts for links. It's been looking like that for 3 days now. The odd thing is that my inbox looks fine on other computers and only my inbox is ugly on our home computer. That sucks bad. *hmph*

And the other gay thing is that my computer is so over-protective. I have no qualms about it shielding me from pop-ups, especially those unwanted ones that say I've won something spectacular...uh, right. So anyway, my father-figure of a computer blocks all pop-ups like they're all bad, even when the pop-up is from a safe website. Even though I keep clicking on the VIEW link, the "Pop-Up Has been Blocked" appears to no end. And yes, I have already adjusted those thingies on the Toolbar whateverness. Haha, I don't even know what the right term for those options are. The bottom line is that pop-ups from safe websites should be appearing.

So yeah, hey, spring break is over and I'm back in school. Whoop-de-doo...NOT. Tell me if there is ever a person out there who enjoys the stress of taking exams and analyzing ethical problems until your brain cells are sucked dry. Ok ok, there is a positive outcome from studying and returning to school after a week from break...the days of the calendar go by and day by day I come closer to getting my long sought-after degree. It's about time, ya' know. I'm tired. I need to get work nd earn my own money so I can shop. Haha. Ok...so I can buy my own car and my own house and all those shallow-sounding things that are in fact essential in today's world. Whatever. And I have to save up some money for my wedding so I can get married and start a family with about a hundred kids. Once again, I'm kidding about the kids. You don't expect me to pop kids out of me until I'm old and gray now, do you?

Oh, funny thing about that. One of my best friends in high school thought I had gotten married during our slump period of being "out of touch." And a few other friends I had just recently talked to asked me similar questions. Quite odd. Yeah, like I would get married in my early twenties. Although, the idea doesn't seem that shady to me. I wonder what would have come about had I stayed in Cebu. Hmmm, just a thought. But I do have doubts my parents would've allowed me to get married. They're still giving me a hard time now that I'm practically the same age as most young couples out there.

Hey, now why am I taking about getting married, for heaven's sake? *rechanneling thoughts of grandeur*

The Deaprtment Head of my program will let me start my practicum in the summer, despite my absence during the supposed "mandatory meeting for first time practicumers." That either means the meeting wasn't mandatory at all and was just giving us a scare or that he actually thinks I have earned his admiration and he wants me to start as soon as possible. Yes, I choose to believe in the latter. The thing is, I can't start practicum in the summer even if I want to. There are things going on in my life that I have to take care of. It isn't something as dramatic as a terminal illness or something of the sort...but it is something life-changing...yet again.

If you actually know me personally, you'd probably figure out what that is anyway. *Hint hint* The story of my life. I'll let the secret break lose once the time is right. I definitely don't want to jinx anything.

Moving on...

So how was my spring break, you might ask. You aren't asking? I'll tell you anyway because the past week made me happy. I caught up with high school friends, online of course. What else do you expect? I'm, like, a thousand miles away from everyone I know. And I downloaded, yes legally, songs from my trustworthy system and burned a CD for myself. *yay* I'm so hooked on Pinoy Rock songs these days that I dug up my song hits from eons ago to look for song titles. The songs on my iTunes now plays for 1.2 days. Haha. Disclaimer: No, the hours did not accumulate that fast during the week. It was about almost a day already before spring break.

I'm so lazy. I mean really. I'm actually going to post the same entry in separate blogs. haha. I can't thnk and I find no time to type entirely different ideas in one day. I'll need the remainder of the day..which roughly translates to "blogging a new entry tomorrow." So sue me, like I care.

Heck, this entry isn't even as mind-boggling and note-worthy as it should be. It doesn't even make sense as there is no theme. I am hopeless today. Haha. Until then...

Au revoir.

Welcome New Driver

Yes. Correct. You read me right. I took my actual driving exam, and passed one point short of failing it. haha. I was so happy when the instructor told me I had passed, but when I got home, I bawled like a baby when I called Papa to tell him about my supposed good news. Ok, I know I'm weird. Now, why did I make a nincumpoop out of myself? The instructor yelled at me for running on the grass before turning into the parking space. You don't yell at me! You A-B-S-O-lutely do not yell at me for something as trivial as running over grass. Yes, trivial indeed was that, but I cried anyway. After about half an hour and half a gallon of tears and snot (eeew) later, I was perfectly fine.

And get this, I had to take my exam after having a screaming match with Kuya for picking me up late from school. He knew well enough that I had an appointment that I should not miss, and he comes and picks me up an hour later than expected, causing us to almost speed home faster than a speeding bullet, eat like maniacs, and drive to the DMV. Yes, we were screaming at each other like two lunatics high on juice. It wasn't pretty. And it caused Grandma to cry, because she proclaims "mag-kapatid kayo, dapat kayong mag-mahalan." Uh, ok, we both know that, but there are times when you get into misunderstandings and disagreements with even the people you love, and for a second you treat them like they're less than human, then after a while, it's all good. Like Kuya and me, for instance, when we fight, we go all out, calling each other names and shouting at the top of our lungs, then after a while, we're like the best of friends again. Call that abnormal, suit yourself, but we live with it. We're perfectly fine. We deal. And it's all good. So when Grandma started sniffling, I was thinking, "Oh puh-lease, this fight we're having is going to last for 30 minutes tops, and this is normal to us, so wipe away those tears". I wasn't thrilled with the drama of that.

Haha, and yes, then I cry because Mr. Mean-O decided to give me a taste of my own medicine. He wasn't family. He didn't have to wait for me for an hour. He had no right to yell at me in the middle of my explanation about why I decided it was ok to drive on grass. So whatever.

The bottomline is...I got my license, and now I can drive...alone. No more good morning, Kuya, now get out of bed and drive me to school conversations. No more Kuya, please don't make me wait for you for an hour. No more, Kuya, I need to be at school an hour early. Yes, I can drive myself to school and drive myself home. I am a licensed driver.

How bored am I?

Ako ay masaya! yay! Bakit kaya ako masaya? Basta! haha. I am so weird. Ang boring dito. Alam nyo ba kung asan ako? Sure, you  might not even care, pero I'll tell you anyway. tapos na class ko. Isa lang naman kasi klase ko today, morning lang sya. So dumaan ako dun sa Counseling office para magtanong tungkol sa scholarships para namn mejo gumaan-gaan ang bayarin ng aking mahal na ama. Eh wala namn yung kelangan kong maka-usap. Off ba naman sya. Papasok sya bukas eh wala naman akong gagawin sa school bukas so di ako papasok. May appointment pa ako bukas sa Yahoo Messenger *weeee* Anywho, ayun na nga, wala sya today, papasok sya bukas, tapos off ulit sya next week. Ano ba yan!? Pano kaya yun? Baka maunahan na ako sa scholarships nyan.  *hahay*

Ano pa ba? nakita nyo na ba yung bagong video ng Basckstreet Boys? Yung Just Want You To Know. Ang ganda nun...seriously! I'm not just saying this coz I am a BIG fan. Pero di nga, it's very funny. Kung type mo yung mga dated videos, like those videos that go back in time. Coz their video, balik sila ng 1985 kaya yung fashion and stuff they do are really funny. O kaya, baka mababaw lang talaga ako. haha. Wala lang. basta nice sya, kaya ang maganda nyong gawin is vote nyo yun on TRL. Yun bang show sa MTV na palabas at 2pm. Weird nung show na yun. dati 5pm yun eh, ewan ko bakit 2 na sya nagyon. Siguro dahil summer kaya DST rin sila. Oh well, bahala sila. basta vote nyo BSB, hehe.

Tagal ng Kuya ko. I'm waiting for him kasi eh. 1 hour na ang nakalipas. *haha* sana marunong na akong mag-drive para ako na yung may dala ng car at sya ang pinahihintay ko. haha. Pero honestly, if I had the car, I would probably teach him how he shouldn't let people wait on him. *hmph* Kaasar talaga yung mga taong gustong laging hinihintay sila.

Ummmm, I guess ito na muna for now. I'm done blabbing about nonesense. Toodle-loo, folks!

finally...

hay salamat! naka-blog narin dito. kasi naman noh, isang linggo mahigit nang di ako makapag-update ng Friendster blog. parang tanga talaga. as in, kada pindot ko dyan sa UPDATE BUTTON binabalik ako sa HOME. baliw talaga. hahay. buti naman ayos na ngayon...kaya lang wala naman na akong maisip na ipost kundi ireklamo ang Friendster blog. ahaha.

what else? uwi na si kuya bukas. Yay! san sya galing? basta, secret. basa nalang kayo sa regular blog ko bukas...bukas ko nga siguro ipost yung story. katamad talaga sa life. tinatamad ka ba? hahay, ako oo.

pasukan na ulit sa wednesday. actually thursday pa ako papasok kasi wala naman akong klase ng wednesday. excited ba ako? ewan, parang hindi naman kasi kinakabahan ako this semester. feeling ko bababa ang GPA ko dahil sa terror kong professor. two subjects pa ang klase ko sa kanya. sya kasi yung head ng department ng major ko eh. hahay, katakot talaga yun.

ano pa ba? wala na eh. kelangan ko nang mag-log out at may gagawin pa akong mas importante. sige, bye-ot! next time na ulit ako magsusulat dito pag feel kong magtaga-tagalog. haha.

galit ako...grabe

may alam kayong insurance company na pwedeng mag-approve sakin in a week? naiinis talaga ako. kasi nman eh, ilang buwan ko nang pinapaalala na kuhanan na ako ng insurance wala pa ring nangyari. tapos pag ako yung nahuli ako yung pagagalitan eh di ko naman kasalanan yung di ako naghahanap. that isn't my job. oo nga ako yung may kelangan, pero kahit magtatawag ako (at hello, sinong tatawagan ko?!) di ko naman alama kung ano yung "quote" "premium" at kung anu-ano pang kaek-ekan yung sasabihin sakin nung mga yun. naasar talaga ako. obvious ba? ayun, kainis talaga. naiiyak ako sa inis. natatakot akong baka di maayos tong ilang buwan kong inaasam na ayusin. masasayang ang pagod ng mga taong (isa lang pala sya) tumulong sakin. bweset! naiinis talaga ako.

off to Cali they go

so much has been going on. my parents left for California with Kuya in toll kaya tuloy I had to hitch a ride with my classmate after class this evening. buti nalang i have no classes on monday na kaya no problem. i can just sit back and relax until my classes on thursday. ayun, they left nga, pero i need not worry kasi im not home along naman. my grandparents are with me. mejo mababaliw ako nang konti, pero it's all ok. as long as they keep out of my business, hehe. i have to take our dog out for a walk ALL BY MYSELF until monday. what sadness. pero k lang talaga ako.

nga pala, i can take Human Reproduction na in the fall. sabi nila may college math skills na ako based on my transcripts from san carlos. hahay, it's about time people give philippine schools credit. ayun, andami kong kelangang asikasuhin for the next 2 months. overwhelming talaga. pero sabi nga ng THE USED "I'll be just fine." hehe

ano pa ba? pagod na ako. tulog na ako, ok. sige bye-ot.