lauraldanne's blabbernothings

Say What Now?

There is something seriously wrong with my Yahoo Inbox. I just wanted to rant about that. I've always loved how purple my Inbox was and now it is one boring, plain, and ugly white page with blue texts for links. It's been looking like that for 3 days now. The odd thing is that my inbox looks fine on other computers and only my inbox is ugly on our home computer. That sucks bad. *hmph*

And the other gay thing is that my computer is so over-protective. I have no qualms about it shielding me from pop-ups, especially those unwanted ones that say I've won something spectacular...uh, right. So anyway, my father-figure of a computer blocks all pop-ups like they're all bad, even when the pop-up is from a safe website. Even though I keep clicking on the VIEW link, the "Pop-Up Has been Blocked" appears to no end. And yes, I have already adjusted those thingies on the Toolbar whateverness. Haha, I don't even know what the right term for those options are. The bottom line is that pop-ups from safe websites should be appearing.

So yeah, hey, spring break is over and I'm back in school. Whoop-de-doo...NOT. Tell me if there is ever a person out there who enjoys the stress of taking exams and analyzing ethical problems until your brain cells are sucked dry. Ok ok, there is a positive outcome from studying and returning to school after a week from break...the days of the calendar go by and day by day I come closer to getting my long sought-after degree. It's about time, ya' know. I'm tired. I need to get work nd earn my own money so I can shop. Haha. Ok...so I can buy my own car and my own house and all those shallow-sounding things that are in fact essential in today's world. Whatever. And I have to save up some money for my wedding so I can get married and start a family with about a hundred kids. Once again, I'm kidding about the kids. You don't expect me to pop kids out of me until I'm old and gray now, do you?

Oh, funny thing about that. One of my best friends in high school thought I had gotten married during our slump period of being "out of touch." And a few other friends I had just recently talked to asked me similar questions. Quite odd. Yeah, like I would get married in my early twenties. Although, the idea doesn't seem that shady to me. I wonder what would have come about had I stayed in Cebu. Hmmm, just a thought. But I do have doubts my parents would've allowed me to get married. They're still giving me a hard time now that I'm practically the same age as most young couples out there.

Hey, now why am I taking about getting married, for heaven's sake? *rechanneling thoughts of grandeur*

The Deaprtment Head of my program will let me start my practicum in the summer, despite my absence during the supposed "mandatory meeting for first time practicumers." That either means the meeting wasn't mandatory at all and was just giving us a scare or that he actually thinks I have earned his admiration and he wants me to start as soon as possible. Yes, I choose to believe in the latter. The thing is, I can't start practicum in the summer even if I want to. There are things going on in my life that I have to take care of. It isn't something as dramatic as a terminal illness or something of the sort...but it is something life-changing...yet again.

If you actually know me personally, you'd probably figure out what that is anyway. *Hint hint* The story of my life. I'll let the secret break lose once the time is right. I definitely don't want to jinx anything.

Moving on...

So how was my spring break, you might ask. You aren't asking? I'll tell you anyway because the past week made me happy. I caught up with high school friends, online of course. What else do you expect? I'm, like, a thousand miles away from everyone I know. And I downloaded, yes legally, songs from my trustworthy system and burned a CD for myself. *yay* I'm so hooked on Pinoy Rock songs these days that I dug up my song hits from eons ago to look for song titles. The songs on my iTunes now plays for 1.2 days. Haha. Disclaimer: No, the hours did not accumulate that fast during the week. It was about almost a day already before spring break.

I'm so lazy. I mean really. I'm actually going to post the same entry in separate blogs. haha. I can't thnk and I find no time to type entirely different ideas in one day. I'll need the remainder of the day..which roughly translates to "blogging a new entry tomorrow." So sue me, like I care.

Heck, this entry isn't even as mind-boggling and note-worthy as it should be. It doesn't even make sense as there is no theme. I am hopeless today. Haha. Until then...

Au revoir.

Songs And Season

I am a certified bubblegum pop fanatic. And when all those boybands and girlbands came out in the 90's, I was one of those that went gaga over their videos on MTV and songs in the airwaves. I now look back with fondness as I recall the feelings I felt whenever I listened to their songs back in high school. A few months ago, I was playing my 98 Degrees And Rising audio tape and decided to transfer the songs onto a CD, so I could play it with more ease. I was planning on buying their CD (among others), but I am pretty sure the US version is different from my Asia/Europe version which I bought for myself in 2000 while on vacation with my cousins in Bicol. I wasn't really a BIG fan of theirs, but I did like their musc. When I heard it again today, memories from high school lingered in my mind. Whenenver I hear the song Because of You, I remember one of my best friends, Kathy. I can still hear her telling me "You're my sunshine after the rain, you're the cure against my fear and my pain" after I had asked her how the first verse went.

Also back in Cebu, we sometimes heard mass at SM. Yes, if you are completely oblivious to this fact, most malls in the Philippines have Sunday morning masses. I especially remember one homily where the priest (I remember him well because of his clear voice and superb grammar and diction) quoted 98 Degrees' "The Hardest Thing" and made a connection to our relationship with God. I don't exactly know why that stuck with me. Probably because it was a pop culture thing and I was totally feeling that song during that time. I still do after all this time. I still fight to keep myself from crying. I think its message is sad.

I have always been the first person to say "Fight for the one you love" and "If you love someone, there is just no sense in letting them go." The Hardest Thing just breaks my heart because he wants to just let her go because he claims that she deserves someone better.

The Hardest Thing
98 Degrees

We both know that I shouldn't be here
This is wrong
And baby it's killing me, it's killing you
But both of us trying to be strong
I've got somewhere else to be
Promises to keep
Someone else who loves me
And trusted me fast asleep

There seems to be an affair brewing, but I don't know if he wants to leave because the relationship they have is forbidden

I've made up my mind
There is no turning back
She's been good to me
And she deserves better than that

If she's been good to you then why do you want to say good-bye to her? Stop confusing me.

It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye and tell you i don't love you
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion when you start to cry
I can't let you see what you mean to me
When my hands are tied and my heart's not free
We're not meant to be
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To turn around and walk away pretending i don't love you

I definitely agree. It is hard to lie to someone you love, especially if you've been with that person for a while. That person may already know the way you act when you're hiding things as such. But when you love someone that much, I cannot grasp the concept of bidding that person "Farewell, may you have a great life." It baffles me mad. I can just imagine that verse in a scene of a movie, with the guy telling her he doesn't care for her anymore and that they should just part ways, and then she just loses it and bawls like a baby while he just stands there fighting off the urge to envelope her in a secure hug. It makes me wanna cry =*(

I know we'll meet again
Fate has a place and time
So you can get on with your life
I've got to be cruel to be kind
Like Doctor Zhivago
All my love I'll be sending
And you will never know
'Cause there can be no happy ending

This is what I hate most about quotes and songs and poems and movies that hold the same message. If you know you'll meet again, why were you saying you weren't meant to be just a few breaths back? If fate indeed has its way of making lovers meet after a long absence, then you're saying you're meant to be together after all.

It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye, and tell you i don't love you
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion when you start to cry
I can't let you see what you mean to me
When my hands are tied and my hearts not free
We're not meant to be
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do (isn't it?)
To turn around and walk away pretending i don't love you

Maybe another time, another day
As much as I want to, I can't stay

I've made up my mind
There's no turning back
She's been good to be
And she deserves better than that

It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye, and tell you i don't love you
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion when you start to cry
I can't let you see what you mean to me
When my hands are tied and my hearts not free
We're not meant to be, oh no
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do
To turn around and walk away pretending i don't love you

What can I do, oohh, oooh

***

I am definitely not bitter and I am in no way trying to offend those people who let go of people they love and "went on with their lives" hoping that if their paths crossed in the future they'd get back together. I guess I'm just saying this right now because that's my frame of thinking right now. I have never believed in the concept of "cooling off". There is no such thing. It's either you stay together or break up, that's just it. Will my idea change? Maybe. Maybe not. I can never tell. The bottomline is that I believe that you can't just tell the one you love (who loves you just as much) to live his/her life without you because the two of you just aren't meant to be. What makes you not worthy of each other anyway? If you both found things to talk about, if you've managed to stay together for quite some time, if you've found each other despite the billions of people in the world, then what makes it impossible to share eternity with each other? If it's love, then it shall conquer all. Am I naive? Maybe, I don't know. But who cares, as long as I'm happy. haha. I am so weird.

Another boyband I liked in the 90's (ok, ok, I still like them today and wonder where they are) was Westlife. They have a song that seems to have a message similar to that of "The Hardest Thing" called If "I Let You Go".

If I Let You Go
Westlife

Day after day
Time passed away
And I just can't get you off my mind
Nobody knows, I hide it inside
I keep on searching but I can't find
The courage to show to letting you know
I've never felt so much love before

And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out

I smell the fear of commitment along those lines. haha

But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know
If I let you go?

See, exactly what I was saying awhile ago. Ok, so maybe not quite, but if you let that person who means the world to you slip beyond your grasp, how will you know how wonderful your future will be?

Night after night I hear myself say
Why can't this feeling just fade away
There's no one like you
You speak to my heart
It's such a shame
we're worlds apart
I'm too shy to ask, I'm too proud to lose
But sooner or later I gotta choose

You're worlds apart? Literally or figuratively speaking? Either way, not a reason (in my opinion, at least) to let someone say bye-bye-bye.

And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out

But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know
If I let you go?

And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out

But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know
If I let you go?

***

I just love these songs, or any nice song for that matter (no matter how incomprehensible they may seem to me. haha). I enjoy listening to them and then picking them apart. haha. Ok, so maybe not every song. Only those that strike a chord or hit close to home. I guess that's why my list of favorite songs lengthens each season. And the elderly say our generation no longer has meaningful songs. They say gone are the days of meaningful lyrics and bouncy beats. Boy, are they so wrong. There are still those songs that touch the heart and inspire people to live meaningful lives. What's your song?

from the violetpearl chronicles 2005

Never Gone

A few days ago, I woke up with this song playing in my head. I kid you not, it was on constant play, like a broken record player gone wild. The song was playing from the minute I woke up until the second I fell asleep. The lyrics are so sad...and touching. boohoo. I miss my boyfriend, kahit di sya fan ng boyband. wahaha. Hoy, punta ka na dito! Di ako magpapatugtog ng kanta ng boyband, pramis. haha.

Never Gone

(Backstreet Boys)

The things we did, the things we said
Keep coming back to me and make me smile again
You showed me how to face the truth
Everything that's good in me I owe to you

Though the distance that's between us
Now may seem to be too far
It will never separate us
Deep inside I know you are

Chorus:
Never gone, never far
In my heart is where you are
Always close, everyday
Every step along the way
Even though for now we've got to say goodbye
I know you will be forever in my life
Never gone

I walk alone these empty streets
There is not a second you're not here with me
The love you gave, the grace you've shown
Will always give me strength and be my cornerstone

Somehow you found a way
To see the best I have in me
As long as time goes on
I swear to you that you will be

(Repeat chorus)

Never gone from me
If there's one thing I believe (I believe)
I will see you somewhere down the road again

(Repeat chorus)

Never gone, never far
In my heart is where you are
Always close, everyday
Every step along the way

Never gone, never far
In my heart is where you are

I haven't been in the mood to post an entry here for a while. Anyway, here I am. weh. November na, malapit na Pasko, yet I still cannot feel that Christmas is a month away. I miss Christmas in the Philippines. I miss our Christmas tree and our Christmas lights around the house. boohoo. I wanna cry.

Bye for now.

BSB withdrawal

The Backstreet Boys are in town, and I won't be able to watch them. ahuhuhu. I am SO sad. Can you feel my pain? I need money! I wish a hundred dollars would drop form the sky so that I can buy myself some tickets. Yeah, so what if the tickets are worth $60...I need the extra $40 to get there. I am such a dweeb; I've been calling myself that for a number of days now.

Backstreet Boys!!!! Come back to Tampa, ok. And make sure I have a job by then, so I can afford a ticket to your show...

Bah...me so pathetic. =P